i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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