I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
