Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
