FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
