Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
