i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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