The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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