I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize