and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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