I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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