Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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