I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Life is so much better after having sex.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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