I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
two words...techno handjob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize