I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
