Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
