those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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