Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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