i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
