I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
