you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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