Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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(847): View more from Illinois

Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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(408): View more from California

Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise

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(716): View more from New York

its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today

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(207): View more from Maine

He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.

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