She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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