I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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