You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
