mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Boobs speak an international language.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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