is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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