just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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