kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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