I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
