you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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