If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
