as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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