listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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