i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
