I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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