Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
