i permit you to call me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
