I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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