he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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