I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
