Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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