Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
