I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
