you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
