College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think my vagina is haunted
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
