I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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