i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize