wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
