I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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