I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
