he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
