So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
