im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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