so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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