Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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