i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
