What a fucking waste of an outfit
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
