He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
