I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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