i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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