She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
