You just made me feel so damn special
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
