i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
