moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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