No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
