i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
