hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize