i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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