no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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