forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
