I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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