there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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