The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
