when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
