It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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