And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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