we're blogging at a bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
