I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
