Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
