I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize