We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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