I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
