I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
