i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize