I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
