Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
