Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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