K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
