you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize