My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
